Friday January 19th '01

Friday, January 26, 2001

It is a low probability. Recessions are low probability, they are rare and they happen for numbers of different reasons. Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, in testimony to the Senate Budget Committee, on chances of an economic recession

Even the Great Depression stuff he carried with him to me was basically prophetic, wtf?
from: http://www.cnn.com/almanac/daily/
I am going to describe this as carefully as I can. I have always had 'others' in my head my whole life, just ideas, thoughts, things I thought others may think about me & replaying stuff other-real people-have said/done to me in the past. I consider them simulations, not 'real'. So let's begin at the beginning.

It was a Friday, & I had just gotten my astrological chart that I'd ordered. I sat down in my bedroom & was looking thru it, when something approached(in my mind) in a way I've never experienced before. I sensed/saw this all in my mind's eye. He said he'd been looking all around the world for me; he was VERY close is the best way to describe it, not like those shadow sims. I've had a brainwave test & the nurse insisted I was asleep-but I was not. It was eeg ekg whatever, I had little wires stuck all over my head & had to lay down & keep my eyes closed. The nurse said my brainwaves were as if I were asleep. Fibromyalgia, cfids, whatever.

So this male being kept changing, in my mind's eye I watched his hair go from blonde to brunet, from short to long, from smoothe to curly to wavy. Always seemed to be caucasian, tho. His eyes would be green then blue.

He asked me if I had 'changed' yet & I had no idea what he meant. But I have astrally travelled around & done some minor things. I know, for instance that an all over tingling sensation occurs when you are about to leave your body, also sometimes it feels like bubble bath bubbles bursting all over your body. Sounds like the ocean can be heard as well as electro-pop musical noises. I have checked a few astral boards & no one in them seems to be experienced travellers. I know that there are 2 or 3 ways that you can leave your body: out the top of your skull, from the torso, & out the feet.

This being did not have a name, I carefully questioned him in several ways & he still had no idea who he was; he seemed to think I was half-myth half-real. He was skittish too. He brought with him a LOT of noise, I heard a wailing female scream that was endless-no pauses to take a breath. This wailing also partially somehow came thru my self/mind/soul. I repeatedly asked him what time it was where he was & again he didn't know. I asked him his name every time-no name. I asked him where he lived-nada, his phone number-zip, his email-not a thing. He vaguely seemed associated with leopards-I know that in Ancient Egypt certain priests wore leopard skins. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/OccultTalk/2008/11/14/Astral-love-with-spirits-Sex-Magick-Tantra
http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/225-sex-tantra-and-kama-sutra/episodes/3339-sex-magick-donald-michael-kraig-occult
He offered to 'give me' energy & I was quite surprised-this was no placebo effect. But then as now my heart area is damaged & just astrally touching that area hurt quite alot. I felt freezing cold when he would appear but there was no physical temperature drop; to me it felt like icewater in my guts. I piled on the clothes. Neither my mother nor my sister sensed his presence at all.

When he gave me energy I started to see a sunset shade of pink in my mind's eye; again I want to point out that none of this was physical. BUT I had noticable changes-the 'fibro fog' was greatly reduced to practically nil, & my already bright eyes got brighter. He had one hell of a vocabulary, Old English & stuff I had to look up. Sometimes I had to try to phonetically piece together what he was trying to tell me because I had trouble hearing-it was after all, only in my head. I told him some parts of my life when I was a child & I asked him about germs-he didn't seem to know about germs, & he was crazy idealistic! Talk about high standards! These 2 things made me suspect that he was a never-born, but he MIGHT have been the deep unconscious part of a real man's mind.

He knew about a world-view of mine that I had totally forgotten I even had(typical me); basically I had changed it by the time The Matrix & Dark City & that Cronenberg film had come out. I had repeatedly seen a 3 foot tall brain that was comprised from different animals & was being kept artificially alive; this thing then remotely controlled various........bodies...zombie-like....robotic things-kinda difficult, so just see above films.

I was having cluster migraines & taking 3 500mg acetaminophen at night, sometimes twice a night & this ghost-man expressed concern about me. It felt real strange because it was the first time someone other than my mom & my doctors seemed to care about my well-being. Ah the joys of being a shut-in; & they wonder why I travel around outside my awful worthless body.

The ghost-man carried with him what I call 'cultural timestamps', the tv series 'war of the worlds', king kong, v miniseries, the hulk-all these things that by 09 have been remade. At first I thought the events/visions were limited to only the 1990s, but it wasn't. He even knew about my mom getting breast cancer-4 years before it happened.

He startled me one time when I was falling asleep-he asked me why I fluoresced & I could see from his "eyes", I told him it was because I was falling asleep. He seemed a little stuck in the Biblical worldview, & was rather 1950ish towards me. It was weird because he was skittish but bold, & he asked me several times whether I was good or evil.

A film was being advertized at the time about a train/kid's toy-the one with a big moon-faced engine, I think it was called Tommy the Train. We would 'walk around', it was easy to create parks & whatnot as I was physically awake; he also could reshape the 'landscape' so to speak & that train engine appeared behind him & he sensed it & was terrified. The endless shrieking didn't help either. I told him it was only a child's toy, but he was weirded out by it.

I repeatedly asked him what I looked like because I've thought for a long time that my soul didn't match my body & it was this plus my illness that made it easier for me to leave it. He would hold up a 'mirror'(again only in my mind's eye) & I looked like those 80s posters of women's faces so whited out only their eyes, lips, & eyebrows could be seen. Over the short amount of time he was 'haunting' me I constantly asked him what do I look like, & he would impatiently take out this spirit-mirror & I would see the face in my drawings, not my flesh-face.

There was a film coming soon during his time near me, with Charlize Theron in it, a remake, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0230838/ Sweet November-the trailers were the best part, unfortunately. Anyway, I woke up once because he was trying to write on my soul/spirit face, I SO don't like that. He got very angry & said the REAL reason he came to me was because he wanted me to teach him to be invisible. AND that I should be GRATEFUL for what he did. THEN he said something stranger: that it was very rare for "one like you to be stuck in a situation like that". Then he tried to attack me, as best he could, & then he left, before Feb. 1st. "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" I coulda played that role easily, except for being too sickly.

I still, after all these years, don't know what to make of it. He didn't move any physical objects around, no one else sensed him, before he got scary he said he would come to see me, physically. But that has not happened. A faery lover? A ghost? The unconscious mind of a living man? He said he wanted a son & he would name him David, like THAT really narrows it down. 16 days after my 29th birthday-Saturn, I don't get it.

HandmadeJewelry with Shells

A bracelet I made with a clear kind of thread-not fireline just somethin I bought at Ben Franklins before it closed-how I miss that store, with EVERY kind of yarn RIGHT THERE, no need to but it online.

The materials are: a bag of mixed beads in the same color range(Blue Moon I think). Size 11 iridescent lite pink beads(not Miyuki). A toggle clasp I picked up in Joann's, it was a mix of closures: toggle, barrel, & lobster, all in pale lavender, wth?

I stupidly forgot to mention the SHELL beads that have pinkish parts-got those too in the beading section of Joann. Rhodocrosite(with the white stripes) & rose quartz 6mm. I also made it with VERY little slack, it stretches.

Lillies & Roses

Madonna Lillies in an ebony bowl on the left. Mini lavender roses in a black hobnail vase. This 'bouquet' is 1 branch, I just cut it a little further down-almost like long-stemmed rose.

Another Madonna Lilly & Random Pic of a Plane

2 pics of this very old lilly, it is thousands of years older than any rose I have in my garden, it's AMAZING that it has survived mostly unchanged, I think. It has an 'Easter Lilly' scent, I'll have to figure out how to bring them in without cutting the whole stem; maybe some glass floral beads.

The pic of some random plane happened just because I was turning to go back inside & I heard the plane & so I snapped a pic. It looks red to me, but who knows? I'm curious if my camera could actually get it in focus; yeah I'm putting it up before taking a look for myself.

Madonna Lily Blooming Now

The first pic is of the younger peach tree & I can see that they've gotten bigger. The second pic I took by shoving the camera under the older peach tree, they ARE smaller because these ripen later than the younger tree. Peach trees have long willowish leaves, & they are both dwarves so I am always parting the leaves to gauge the peaches.

The white lily with a yellow "throat" is 1 of 2 Madonna Lillies that are opening NOW. I thought they were supposed to open in August! Maybe I just remembered it wrong.

The last pic-those are baby grapes! THEY are rudely crawling & piling over the fence into my neighbor's yard, I still haven't found a handyman to get an estimate; I've been considering the 'Y' version instead of the older traditional 'T' like my Great Aunt Anner had..

Prayer Plant

I haven't seen a Prayer Plant blooming & I was so surprised to see this. I took it out of the window to water it, I left it in the tub overnight. Then when I saw it I thought it was another plant-but no!

It is a minor thing to see in life, but it is my life, & I would rather focus on this than the fires in the hills or the smoking crater of the economy that the Right always seems to leave behind. These were the same guys that bought hammers for $500 in the 80s, they did it again, I don't know how anyone can take them seriously, they always do this. They think throwing money at the military & police equals victory & being 'tough on crime'. Yeah, whatever.

Baby Peaches & Buds

Those ovular things are velvety baby peaches, on a young dwarf tree-peach trees can bear fruit reliably for about 20-23 years, or so. They are small now but will get bigger & they start to turn color & blush. This variety ripens in mid-late July.

Those pod-like things with the ladybug on 1 of them are Madonna Lillies, they say not to grow these lillies next to other kinds, so I'll have to move the pot of stargazer lillies. Madonnas open in August. I just fed these with some bonemeal, that helps the flowers to form & strengthens the roots.

The last pic is of grape flowers, they're starting to come out & they lay on the vine in clumps, just like when they're ripe, except now they look like tiny green beads. These are the seedless purple grapes mentioned earlier.

Most pics I post can be clicked on & supersized, I just use a Lumix digital camera, nothing fancy.

Red Roses+video

This is a video of an unamed red rose that came with the house. There is a grapevine growing through it & if you look carefully you'll see-toward the end-tiny grape flower buds. The rose, for all its crimson beauty, doesn't have a scent.

Look Up in the Sky

I tend to see forests more than trees, & I'm more interested in what is in the sky rather than what it says on paper.

I just used astronomy software & so:
the sun moved into the sign of the Ram/Aries on April 18th. Mercury is also in Aries.
Mars & Venus are currently both in the sign of Pisces, & Uranus is there too.
Jupiter is in Capricorn & Neptune is too.
Saturn is in Leo.
Pluto is in Sagittarius.
The moon is in Aquarius.
Sirius has risen, though you can't see it during the day, it's there; rose today at 12:52p & will set at 11:05p.

Mercury & the sun in the same sign is supposed to help self-expression, you speak your sun easily. The Ram prefers to be the first to try something new, new phone maybe? Perhaps a new #.

Desire & ambition have become one in Pisces, & Uranus just adds its electrifying touch.

Jupiter in Capricorn-big on reality, huge changes coming, perhaps; with Neptune there, who knows what is real? Can Zeus overthrow his brother's hold?

Saturn is busy turning lead into gold in Leo; another way to say it: a gold watch. The ancient Romans said Saturn ruled during a Golden Age when men didn't have to even plant crops, total cornucopia time.
http://members.tripod.com/~Avalon100/Saturn.html
http://www.netglimse.com/holidays/saturnalia/god_saturn_of_saturnalia.shtml
The dates are Roman-Era, but it's totally fascinating that the Romans chained the feet of Saturn-there is more here than that. Was that their method of keeping Saturn near? His images were put on Ancient Rome's pipes & water systems.
http://www.theplumber.com/pom.html
..."The ancient Roman spas will always be associated with opulent luxury and a style of living that awed even its own go people. Seneca, the Roman Stoic philosopher, visited Herculaneum several times. These visits no doubt helped inspire these perceptive words: "We think ourselves poor and mean if our walls (of the baths) are not resplendent with large and costly mirrors; if our marbles (statues and busts) are not set off by mosaics of Numidian stone, or their borders are not faced over on all sides with difficult patterns, arranged in many colors like paintings; if our vaulted ceilings are not buried in glass; if our swimming pools are not lined with Thasian marble, once a rare and wonderful sight in any temple; and finally, if the water has not poured from silver spigots."...

Wow, what a description, & why is it my text color has changed of its own accord?


..."Horary astrology is the branch of astrology that deals with answering question by studying the astrological charts set for the exact time and place of asking a question."...http://www.astrologyweekly.com/weekly-horary/index.php

Purple Roses

This is a purply fuschia rose called Ebbtide. I bought it from a catalog, jacksonandperkins.com it is less a dark purple to me & leans more toward fuschia-purple, but I have it & it is doing fine in a south position with full sun. I think it gets paler in the triple-digit heat during the summer. It has more petals than my Double Delight but they are smaller. It continues the purple-rose habit of very few thorns, while the red roses continue their demand for blood sacrifice in exchange for their blooms.

I think about the faerytail Beauty & the Beast, when applying ointment & sometimes band-aids; red roses are so pretty & basically worth it.

Wisteria in Full Bloom

This is (hopefully) a video I took of the wisteria in total bloom; there were bumble bees hovering all around it, they LOVE wisteria & flowering tobacco. This is 'Chinese Wisteria', all flowers no leaves till after the bloom, Japanese wisteria I've only heard about, they say it blooms & leafs out at the same time. This is my hard-won wisteria, growing on a basket-ball pole, hoop & all.

Garden Irrigation, or How to Water Your Garden, duh!

I water deeply to make the roots of all the plants grow deeply into the Earth; it was Birds & Blooms or Victoria magazine-or perhaps Sunset magazine that pointed out if you water just a little the plants' roots stay near the surface of the soil & can get uprooted easily by a gust of wind.

I water the orange tree by putting a shower/soft spray head near the trunk & soak it for 20 min. The established roses get 5 min each. I have a row of 4 mini roses & they get a 12 min all-in-one soak.

The seedless grapes get 7-10 minutes. The winter honeysuckle gets 5 min, so does the 'breath of heaven' shrublet, it does resemble pink baby's breath, but with a resinous/piney scent.

Potted plants get filled to the top 3 or 4 times, to prevent "river channels" from fast-tracking thru the pot.

Faery Roses, Star Jasmine by the Porch

The pic furthest left is of the miniature purple rose, also sometimes referred to as "Faery Roses" in the 1920s, I think. That was the last time mini roses were in fashion. This is a climbing mini & it frames the window quite prettily.

The center pic is the Star Jasmine growing around the front porch, it spread quite a bit, it's now around both of the porch posts. It blooms after the wisteria, in my zone 9 garden, which is perfect-there isn't a competing, highly scented flower in the front yard.

The last pic is a close-up of orange-blossoms, which is on a tree in the back yard, it's a seedless sweet orange, it ripens near Thanksgiving & thru December, even into January sometimes. The blossoms have a powerful, sweet scent, the flower petals are thick & snap off in my hands. The petals are far different than any other flowers I've picked; a bowl with just 2 or 3 blooms is enough to scent a small room, also they make a nice garnish in tea, & in ice cubes. Orange blossoms used to be the fashionable flowers for wedding bouquets, though they bloom in April instead of June; perhaps in the Victorian-era brides had them imported.

Reine Victoria

All 3 pics Reine Victoria, this is the rose I see in those French paintings, petals packed into deep cups with maddeningly short 2" stems! But they are SO WORTH IT! Notice the arching cane in the 1st pic-it blooms all along the cane, I would say it's a semi-climber, a sprawler by vintage rose enthusiasts.

This is a Hybrid Perpetual, made by the Victorians who adored roses & wanted more of them. They do bloom thru the sumer, but their biggest moment is in spring, when hundreds are opening.

Wisteria

Wisteria was very fashionable in the 19th century, also I think of blooming wisteria around Lucy's french doors in Dracula, 1992 (I think).

Birds & Blooms magazine mentioned that it can take wisteria 15 years to finally bloom, that they are finicky vines, that they are strong enough to tear off roof shingles in an effort to catch hold of something.

But that fragrance makes it worth it! I probably mentioned it before, but I saw that wisteria was blooming in older neighborhoods & went to Capital Nursery on Freeport Blvd & 1 was there! Blooming even in a 2 gallon compostable pot! I had to get it, so it was stuffed into the back seat & I had to open the window because it was too long to fit.

This pic is from March 2009, I planted it next to a basketball pole in 1998. (I have NO idea why that I went Italic, sorry)?

Roses, Buds, & Leaves

The pic furthest left is of lilly leaves just beginning to sprout their leaves. I THINK they're Stargazer lillies, but I can't remember!

The second pic look closely where my thumb is because those are teeny, tiny grape blossoms in bud form. Their leaves are just beginning to sprout also. They are Flame table grapes(seedless), which is just an odd way of saying you eat them fresh I guess, as opposed to wine grapes.

The last is just a close-up of the 1842 rose, it is a mega-sprawler, I'm talking almost potato-vine sprawledge-BUT it has blooms ALL ALONG it's massive canes. Sadly for this reason ALL the roses are short stemmed, but they have beautiful fragrance & have a bizillion petals, quartering, quintupling -it puts Austin's English Roses to shame! Why? Austin roses are saucer-like, they may have 100 plus petals but most of them are tiny, not my 1842 rose.

Buds, Blooms, & Climbing Roses

The small white flowers are orange blossoms, they open during the month of April & smell very sweet with only a hint of orange. Hummingbirds LOVE them & so do paper wasps.

The round rosebud is a Hybrid Perpetual from 1842, they were specially bred to bloom more than the ancient roses did. These HPs were the forerunners of modern roses that definately bloom all summer long. The 1 in the pic DOES bloom from spring into summer & then lightly blooms intermittantly into autumn.

The last pic is of a miniature climbing rose & it's purple, doesn't get over 4 feet & spreads gently sideways; I say gently because of my other climbing mini "Hurdy Gurdy"-this red & white striped rose expands vastly sideways & up 8 feet plus & is very dense. The lavender climber is not densely leaved & I trim it to frame the window, or at least I am trying to.

The House That Dripped Blood

a 1970 horror 4-part I rented from Netflix. It was ok, what I call a peignoir film, with only 1 nice one. There were 4 mini movies & the whole dvd was only 85-90 minutes or so. Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Ingrid Pitt-the usual suspects for vintage horror films. As for the nightgown, there was just the 1 & it wasn't worn by Ingrid but some blonde with the classic 'Bionic Woman' hairstyle: no bangs, light brown/dark blonde hair, in big gentle waves just past the shoulders. A bonus for the updo, with small curls pulled out & meticulously curled-perhaps with that steam-iron I recall from the 70s? White with white lace both the gown & robe.

One storyline had a little blonde girl that still had all her baby teeth; she was the daughter of a witch, with Christopher Lee as the terrified father of the witch-girl. Watching it I realized that there is a normal learning arc that MUST be traveled to get past tired, unrealistic views of witches & anything outside of an old book.

From this 1970 film to Charmed in 1998. What a difference almost 3 decades later. Witches are as evil as a Christian or Muslim priest, & it is finally time to quit living in endless fear; mostly I'm thinking about some troubling people whipping up hysteria in Africa, scaring them to gain power & influence. Reading about a stampede where some actually died because someone had passed around a rumour that there was a witch in the stands..........truly appalling. It doesn't help anyone when people are attacking 5 year olds in the deformed belief that the child is an evil witch; this is what I've read has been happening in some immigrant communities, & I fear it is spreading. I hope that cooler heads prevail in the end. This hardly seems connected to a horror film, except for the fear of that character of a witch. I think I could juice a turnip, & it probably looks dumb to connect the two, but I feel there is a natural path that is traveled & it occurs after we are made aware that something more is out there than our childhood world-views.

At first it is exactly what we've been told, but then it changes, because reality does not adhere to fairy stories. Only after a time does it become clear that there is an entire extra world out there that is not spoken of, not categorized, not very watched.

The old Gods & Goddesses may well be coming back, it has entered many people's thoughts. Pre-Christian Goddesses have been recently found in novels, songs, poems, & television series. It's strange to watch this, but I have the time.

Ruby's Hats pt.3

These 2 hats are vintage-the blue I think is a 1950s small cartwheel style, the other is a straw hat that I covered with cocoa colored lace & stitched on using tiny 3mm stab-stitches with vintage super sharp #11 milliner's needles. I really appreciate the hatmakers from back in the day because as you can see in the pics the brims were narrowed in the back, avoiding what modern hatmakers have ignored-that hats don't stay on well while a seat back is pushing the brim, whether it is a car, a plane, or a restaurant seat.

Ruby's Hats pt.2 Gardenias

After seeing several rose hats of this style & finding ONLY roses, I made a hat with 3 gardenias, cream hat veiling & a little clear elastic, in place of the rayon-covered black or brown elastic found in vintage hats, that is usually stretched out anyway.

Ruby's Hat Collection

This hat I made myself, with craft felt from Joann's, old lavender lace, a vintage velvet orchid & new faux pussy willows. The mannequin I bought at Sally's & painted the face with acrylics.

I LOVE vintage hats, I'm content to spend hours on eBay, browsing & buying. It is easy if your favorite flower is the rose-there are many hats for you; on the other hand, if you prefer orchids or gardenias-you'll have a difficult hunt ahead of you.

I found some shops on eBay that sell vintage hat-trimmings: from West Germany, Occupied Japan, France. I was thrilled to find an orchid! I then held on to it for awhile & then-the above pics.

French Artisan Bread

The presentation isn't the best, but the snap-on lid is perfect for keeping the bread fresh. I made 2 freeform loaves, just put them on a cookie sheet; home-made bread is much heavier than store-bought bread-I heard someone call store-bought bread "fog in a bag". Open faced sandwiches are the norm, & yes you have to slice the bread yourself. In the 1990s I bought a book on bread-making by Bernard Clayton & I have used recipes from this book many times over the years.

I also like to experiment, swapping out regular flour for buckwheat (it has a lot of vitamins but a stronger flavor), I throw in a cup of powdered oatmeal every now & then; also baby cereal: rice, mixed grain, etc, these are loaded with hopefully real & safe vitamins. They call this swapping "artisan", I just call it an experiment & go for it. I also habitually cut the loaf in half, just to make certain it really is fully cooked.

Early Gardening

It has been a warm January, with only a little bit of rain at the beginning of the year. This is a Lilly-of-the-Valley shrub, with variegated leaves. I chose the smaller plant at the nursery because it is less expensive & that gave me the chance of buying a few more plants. This particular shrub is grown in part shade, I put it on the eastern side of my garden, & with the leaves variegated it draws the eyes even when it's out-of-bloom.

The soil is still damp & soft, & I always try to plant after it rains. I am trying to collect some plants that bloom in autumn & winter, because it is rarely seen & more special to me. The summer-blooming plants & spring-flowering plants are very easy to find, I love allysum-the purples & pink kinds especially, with the pretty, delicate scent of honey; I like to put it into the cracks of the concrete path & always as filler in baskets & pots.

I am also concentrating on buying roses in colors & scents I really like; Mister Lincoln smells gorgeously unforgettable! I lost the tree-rose version of it in a very powerful wind storm more than half a decade ago. I recently found in the mail a Jackson & Perkins catalog, & I saw they have a number of purple roses & a few striped roses. They are the ones I order my tree-rose of Mr. Lincoln from. They are now offering winter-blooming honeysuckle, although they don't mention the bloom time of Lonicera fragrantissima. They also have a black hellebore now, which I want.

I am very slow, unfortunately, in gathering what I want, practically on "geologic time". I do want a "black" garden-they have near-black hollyhocks, a tulip, the hellebore, & a few others.