Friday January 19th '01

Friday, January 26, 2001

It is a low probability. Recessions are low probability, they are rare and they happen for numbers of different reasons. Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, in testimony to the Senate Budget Committee, on chances of an economic recession

Even the Great Depression stuff he carried with him to me was basically prophetic, wtf?
from: http://www.cnn.com/almanac/daily/
I am going to describe this as carefully as I can. I have always had 'others' in my head my whole life, just ideas, thoughts, things I thought others may think about me & replaying stuff other-real people-have said/done to me in the past. I consider them simulations, not 'real'. So let's begin at the beginning.

It was a Friday, & I had just gotten my astrological chart that I'd ordered. I sat down in my bedroom & was looking thru it, when something approached(in my mind) in a way I've never experienced before. I sensed/saw this all in my mind's eye. He said he'd been looking all around the world for me; he was VERY close is the best way to describe it, not like those shadow sims. I've had a brainwave test & the nurse insisted I was asleep-but I was not. It was eeg ekg whatever, I had little wires stuck all over my head & had to lay down & keep my eyes closed. The nurse said my brainwaves were as if I were asleep. Fibromyalgia, cfids, whatever.

So this male being kept changing, in my mind's eye I watched his hair go from blonde to brunet, from short to long, from smoothe to curly to wavy. Always seemed to be caucasian, tho. His eyes would be green then blue.

He asked me if I had 'changed' yet & I had no idea what he meant. But I have astrally travelled around & done some minor things. I know, for instance that an all over tingling sensation occurs when you are about to leave your body, also sometimes it feels like bubble bath bubbles bursting all over your body. Sounds like the ocean can be heard as well as electro-pop musical noises. I have checked a few astral boards & no one in them seems to be experienced travellers. I know that there are 2 or 3 ways that you can leave your body: out the top of your skull, from the torso, & out the feet.

This being did not have a name, I carefully questioned him in several ways & he still had no idea who he was; he seemed to think I was half-myth half-real. He was skittish too. He brought with him a LOT of noise, I heard a wailing female scream that was endless-no pauses to take a breath. This wailing also partially somehow came thru my self/mind/soul. I repeatedly asked him what time it was where he was & again he didn't know. I asked him his name every time-no name. I asked him where he lived-nada, his phone number-zip, his email-not a thing. He vaguely seemed associated with leopards-I know that in Ancient Egypt certain priests wore leopard skins. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/OccultTalk/2008/11/14/Astral-love-with-spirits-Sex-Magick-Tantra
http://personallifemedia.com/podcasts/225-sex-tantra-and-kama-sutra/episodes/3339-sex-magick-donald-michael-kraig-occult
He offered to 'give me' energy & I was quite surprised-this was no placebo effect. But then as now my heart area is damaged & just astrally touching that area hurt quite alot. I felt freezing cold when he would appear but there was no physical temperature drop; to me it felt like icewater in my guts. I piled on the clothes. Neither my mother nor my sister sensed his presence at all.

When he gave me energy I started to see a sunset shade of pink in my mind's eye; again I want to point out that none of this was physical. BUT I had noticable changes-the 'fibro fog' was greatly reduced to practically nil, & my already bright eyes got brighter. He had one hell of a vocabulary, Old English & stuff I had to look up. Sometimes I had to try to phonetically piece together what he was trying to tell me because I had trouble hearing-it was after all, only in my head. I told him some parts of my life when I was a child & I asked him about germs-he didn't seem to know about germs, & he was crazy idealistic! Talk about high standards! These 2 things made me suspect that he was a never-born, but he MIGHT have been the deep unconscious part of a real man's mind.

He knew about a world-view of mine that I had totally forgotten I even had(typical me); basically I had changed it by the time The Matrix & Dark City & that Cronenberg film had come out. I had repeatedly seen a 3 foot tall brain that was comprised from different animals & was being kept artificially alive; this thing then remotely controlled various........bodies...zombie-like....robotic things-kinda difficult, so just see above films.

I was having cluster migraines & taking 3 500mg acetaminophen at night, sometimes twice a night & this ghost-man expressed concern about me. It felt real strange because it was the first time someone other than my mom & my doctors seemed to care about my well-being. Ah the joys of being a shut-in; & they wonder why I travel around outside my awful worthless body.

The ghost-man carried with him what I call 'cultural timestamps', the tv series 'war of the worlds', king kong, v miniseries, the hulk-all these things that by 09 have been remade. At first I thought the events/visions were limited to only the 1990s, but it wasn't. He even knew about my mom getting breast cancer-4 years before it happened.

He startled me one time when I was falling asleep-he asked me why I fluoresced & I could see from his "eyes", I told him it was because I was falling asleep. He seemed a little stuck in the Biblical worldview, & was rather 1950ish towards me. It was weird because he was skittish but bold, & he asked me several times whether I was good or evil.

A film was being advertized at the time about a train/kid's toy-the one with a big moon-faced engine, I think it was called Tommy the Train. We would 'walk around', it was easy to create parks & whatnot as I was physically awake; he also could reshape the 'landscape' so to speak & that train engine appeared behind him & he sensed it & was terrified. The endless shrieking didn't help either. I told him it was only a child's toy, but he was weirded out by it.

I repeatedly asked him what I looked like because I've thought for a long time that my soul didn't match my body & it was this plus my illness that made it easier for me to leave it. He would hold up a 'mirror'(again only in my mind's eye) & I looked like those 80s posters of women's faces so whited out only their eyes, lips, & eyebrows could be seen. Over the short amount of time he was 'haunting' me I constantly asked him what do I look like, & he would impatiently take out this spirit-mirror & I would see the face in my drawings, not my flesh-face.

There was a film coming soon during his time near me, with Charlize Theron in it, a remake, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0230838/ Sweet November-the trailers were the best part, unfortunately. Anyway, I woke up once because he was trying to write on my soul/spirit face, I SO don't like that. He got very angry & said the REAL reason he came to me was because he wanted me to teach him to be invisible. AND that I should be GRATEFUL for what he did. THEN he said something stranger: that it was very rare for "one like you to be stuck in a situation like that". Then he tried to attack me, as best he could, & then he left, before Feb. 1st. "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" I coulda played that role easily, except for being too sickly.

I still, after all these years, don't know what to make of it. He didn't move any physical objects around, no one else sensed him, before he got scary he said he would come to see me, physically. But that has not happened. A faery lover? A ghost? The unconscious mind of a living man? He said he wanted a son & he would name him David, like THAT really narrows it down. 16 days after my 29th birthday-Saturn, I don't get it.